Love and Life: Seconds Ticking Away

Tragedy.

One day you can be on top of the world, the next you can be deep in the dumps, never knowing what hit you.

We can’t control who we lose in our lives and when. Sometimes it’s constant arguing and anger that drives two people who care farther apart. And sometimes it’s a sudden death.

However now isn’t the time to be stubborn in your ways. Tell the person you care about how you feel and make it known that if they were gone tomorrow they know just how you feel today.

Every second that goes by is another second that your loved one will be closer to that last breath so why hold grudges and make things out to be worst than what they are when you can make a difference? You can pick up a phone nowadays and find anyone in the world in less than 10 minutes. You can Tweet, Facebook, text, call, FaceTime, Snapchat, Instagram, and more. It’s almost impossible to not find a way to contact someone.

So why wait? Why let those precious seconds tick away while everyone has a hidden expiration date? Why not take five minutes of your time and just say hey if you haven’t in a while.

A simple hi could go a very long way.

Breakups: The First Step in Dealing with a Bad Separation

Breakups can be devastating. How we cope with those breakups may be the most pivotal part of all.

Now of course there are a multitude of different reasons that two people can break up. It could be anything from something abrupt like someone cheating and playing the other person to something more long term like two people growing apart. For the sake of this article I’m going to focus on the abrupt breakup. The ones that you don’t necessarily see coming.

First thing to note is that whether you’re the person breaking up or the person being broken up with, time is the biggest issue. What I mean by that is that the time that you would spend on communicating with the other person. It can be a hard thing to deal with to go from constantly communicating with someone to all of a sudden that 4-5 hours a day that would be used on communication being empty.

Human nature requires replacement. Fight that temptation. The very worst thing you can do is jump from one relationship to another. Sometimes what we don’t understand is that when we relate to another person what we’re doing in essence is sharing part or in some cases all of ourselves with someone else. To go from that to all of a sudden having nothing is very tough. We immediately want to find someone to fill that void so that we don’t miss a beat. Don’t do it. Right after the breakup is the toughest time but you have to realize the importance of finding yourself because if you don’t then things can get even worst.

It’s important to find yourself and be single again just so that you can give yourself room to recover from a bad breakup. Everyone needs those few weeks or months to collect themselves after being knocked down in a relationship. Think of it like in Boxing. Once you’re knocked down you can pop back up, but the ref is going to give you a standing 8 count to make sure. Give yourself a standing 8 count after getting out of a relationship and truly give yourself time to recover.

Remember that you’re at your most vulnerable once you get out of a relationship and you don’t want to just transfer old feelings from an old love onto your new partner.

So give yourself a little time after a breakup to truly collect yourself and get back to the basics. Jumping in with another person is never the right thing to do.

Essence of Time

Everything has its own time. That includes love. Out of billions of people on earth, you belong with one. So chances are that you’ll run into the wrong one more often than the right one.

One thing about the heart that’s not touched on enough is its capacity to be selfish. The heart is very selfish especially for the person who’s made it smile. That’s why when you meet that playa or heart breaker who was so amazing in the beginning, its hard to let go when things go bad.

Quite simply, the heart doesn’t want to be wrong.

With that being said we need the wrong ones. We need them first to play us and hurt us so that we truly appreciate when the right one comes along. Where time comes in is that sometimes we hold on to that wrong person while the right one slips right through our fingers.

One thing that needs to be understood is that true love is not a revolving door that never closes. It does have a shelf life. While movies and books portray true love as something that will always be there, it’s not. People settle. People marry the wrong person. People make bad decisions.

So it’s important to identify when somebody comes along and treats you right. That wrong person has a tendency to hold your heart hostage. So breaking free of that and entering into the freedom of true love is a must. And the sooner the better.

Have you ever heard the story of the two people who met early in life then made choices that took them away from each other for over 20 years only to get back together when they were older?

Now think about if they had those 20 years back and could’ve spent it together.

Love and Life: What’s Meant to be Won’t Necessarily be

“What’s meant to be will be.”

We’ve all heard it at least 50 times in our lives. What it fails to address is the hard work that goes into being “meant to be.”

Too many times people take “What’s meant to be will be” and use it as a way of putting off taking action for how they feel. They think that “Oh well if it’s meant to be then it will be” but it’s just not that simple. Something could be meant to be and never happen.

Just think about it like this- It may be meant to be that you eat tonight, then you get a great plate in front of you.

You’ve still gotta eat. If you don’t eat then that doesn’t mean that it wasn’t meant to be. It just means you didn’t do your part. There’s still action that has to be taken to link “what will be” to “What ultimately is.”

What that means is be bold, take chances. You’ve only got one life to live and an expiration date that you don’t know of- so go for the juggular at all times. I’m not saying to go crazy with it, but if there’s a person that you connect with and truly fall for then just go for it. Communicate and find out if you’re both going in the same direction then just go for it.

One of the best feelings is taking a chance and it working out for the best. Especially as it comes to asking somebody out or even just getting a phone number from an attractive stranger. I think Lil Wayne said it best when he said “Nobody gives you a chance, you have to take chances.” No one is just going to walk up to you and give you a chance when it comes to how you feel. You’ve got to go out and take the chance and make something happen sometimes. Because if you like most people believe that there’s “somebody for everybody” but you also believe that “what’s meant to be will be”, then how do you explain so many people going into old age never finding “The One?” Obviously that’s just not the case.

So to prevent yourself from being a stat of a person who’s had a chance and squandered it- go after what it is you want. Sit down with the one you care about and let out your true feelings. Because what’s meant to be may not necessarily be. It’s up to you to make it happen and act on feelings and or impulse.

Because if you don’t, you’ll just have a perfectly good plate of food sitting on your kitchen table, waiting for “what’s meant to be” to happen.

Love and Relationships: To Trust the Heart or not to Trust the Heart?

Fate rarely calls at a time of our choosing.

There’s not much more of a true statement than that. We all have our conception of what love is and the everlasting story of how it should and will happen.

The problem is that nothing goes according to plan. Fate doesn’t care what situation you’re in or where you are in life. We all want that one person to walk into our life when we’re all lonely and single but it rarely happens this way. More than likely the person who’s meant to be can sometimes walk right in when you think you’ve already found the one, showing you an even more true connection than the one you’ve already found. Happens all the time.

If that happens to you it’s important to remember that you only have one life to life and one love of your life. Sometimes the heart knows what it’s doing and who it truly connects with. Sometimes you have to be willing to give fate a shot and go after whatever it is the heart truly desires.

So when it comes to loving somebody, trust your heart always and don’t handcuff it or hold it back. After all what’s the worst that can happen if you unleash true love?

Love and Relationships: Life is not a Fairy Tale

We’ve all see the movies and read the stories before. A damsel in distress, going through almost insurmountable odds. The perfect man comes along and saves her from her peril and they fight through adversity until they finally fall deeply in love and live happily ever after.

That’s just not life.

Well not entirely. The part about insurmountable odds and being in peril and going through trials and tribulations of everyday life is true. At some point or another we’re all going to go through things that are going to challenge us and are aimed at making us better. That’s just the way it is.

The truth is this- fate doesn’t work on your time. Just think of a time when you were in a really terrible relationship and the best guy ever came along and tried to help you through the things you were upset about. Holding you when you cry, talking to you when your mind was cluttered, being there for you at every stop. Has that ever happened to you?

Has there ever been a time where you’ve met a person and you can just feel them in your heart? Where they can say something and you just know what they really mean? Have you ever been in a position when you just sense that they need you and your hearts appear to speak to one another? If so, your life may be a fairy tale, because for the most part- people don’t find that level of chemistry throughout decades and decades of life.

So if you have somebody that you can relate to on every level, DO NOT LET THEM GO, because life isn’t a fairy tale where in the end everything will be happily ever after. Very rarely in life you’ll find someone who truly speaks to your soul like they do in all the romance novels and movies. Most relationships look like train wrecks with people too naive to make a change. However if you happen to find that fairy tale type of love, by all means necessary, go after it and go after it hard because there are people out there who pray for that kind of connection and never truly find it. People who write about love and never truly have it. So finding something real in a world of cosmetic and superficial things is the ultimate blessing. Don’t disguise it.

Love and Relationships: Embrace the word NO

Too often in life we’re coddled and pacified.

We’re taught at birth that if we cry for something loud enough, we’ll get it. From bottles to our diaper changed- make some noise and it’ll happen. As we grow a little and join team sports, second and third placed teams get trophies in pee wee leagues and being denied a flat out win is subdued.

In other words, it takes a while for us to face the feeling of rejection. Hearing the word no.

Most people are afraid of the word. Have that question in their head of what if somebody says no. This is especially prevalent when it comes to approaching a person you’re interested in.

Many people look at the parts of a relationship and struggle with how to get from meeting someone to getting on that first date. It’s easy to tell somebody to be confident, but it’s not like confidence can just spring up on you at any moment. The foundation of confidence is the fearlessness of the word No.

My Dad told me when I was 13 years old- “Son, for every 10 women you ask out, 3 are gonna say yes. And nobody gets kicked out the big leagues for batting .300.” So essentially what I was told in a very clever way is to expect rejection at least 70% of the time. Expect to hear the word no 7 of 10 times. I remember going to a school dance and askin my mom about how to get a girl to dance with me. She said “just ask, either they’ll say say or no- they won’t beat you up for it.” Translation- embrace rejection. It happens but it’s not the worst thing in the world.

So I was taught early on to embrace rejection. Embrace the word No. After all like I’ve said in previous posts, the true test of a relationship is not about what you love about somebody, but what you don’t like. A relationship doesn’t truly start until the first objection. But of course you have to get in the relationship first. So do yourself a favor.

Embrace the word no.

Don’t forget the friendship

It happens all the time. Boy meets girl, they become friends, date, then get married. Ideal relationships in a compact nutshell.

But what gets lost in this is the friendship. It’s sad to see some people think of marriage as two people who don’t talk, don’t have sex, just have rings on their fingers and sharing the same last name.

That’s not marriage.

But in marriages like that, what happened? They lost the friendship. Plain and simple they forgot how they got to where they are. Some people are willing to do all the work to get to the top of the mountain without realizing that it’s much easier once you’re at the top to fall off.

The pinnacle of any serious relationship is marriage so keeping the friendship aspect alive and fresh is a must. There’s a reason you both got together and fell in love enough to commit your lives to each other, so go back to the basics. It should never get to the point where you have to rekindle your relationship but if it does it’s as easy as reprising the friendship. Go back to where you started. Chemistry and a connection can go dormant but never does it die.

So ask yourself, what do we like to do together? Where’s somewhere we can just getaway and talk?

Go somewhere and hangout- make new memories and cherish the friendship that you’ve built over time. Cherish and cater to the friendship because too many times we only focus on the romantic part of a relationship and forget the daily grind. The friendship should in most cases take precedence over the romantic aspect because it’s the foundation.

Having a great friendship with great communication is a recipe for a successful relationship. Unfortunately Cupid’s arrow doesn’t ensure everlasting love. Once you have it you have to work on it and the easiest way to do that is to get back to the basics. Don’t forget the friendship.

How do you Know You’re in Love? Part 2/2

Loving someone is your heart’s choice. Falling for them is yours.

It’s effortless to feel love for people because for the most part we as people are predisposed to caring for others. Acting on those feelings however is a totally different beast.

Falling in love is as much about love as it is your fearlessness and willingness to act on it. You have the person that you care for, the chemistry and the connection is there and you’re ready to act. You’re ready to say it… At least you think so.

But how would you know for sure?

The true test of a relationship is not what you absolutely love and adore about a person, but what you don’t like and how you can handle or tolerate it.

A good example is if you’re dating someone and everything is perfect up until they get upset about something. They tend to get very violent and confrontational and takes it out on you. You may love that person’s smile, the way they treat you when they’re happy, even down to the sex- but if they get angry and make your life hell, how long can you tolerate that?

So what’s needed is to find out what you don’t like about that person and think about how you can handle it. You can’t just love a person for the good and hate them for the bad. To truly be in love you have to either love or tolerate everything about a person. That’s the true test of if it’s going to work or not.

You can start off early by asking someone about what they’re self-conscious about. Chances are they’ll tone it down, but just having an idea of what they don’t like about themselves will give you a window into something you may not like. If they tell you something that they don’t like about themself that you also can’t stand, chances are that you’re just biding time. The key to true love is to love freely. Flaws and all. So if you have a Boyfriend/Girlfriend who is also ashamed of the things you’re self-conscious about- you just may be wasting time.

But let’s just say that you’ve found for the most part things that you don’t like and you’ve spent time around each other and you can tolerate it. Then by all means, take the leap and fall right into love. Ignoring things you don’t like and expecting them to change will ultimately destroy the relationship. It can be like a chip in the windshield that turns into a crack. Get the chip fixed. Communicate.

So how do you know you’re in love? You take the leap. You can love anybody, but truly acting on it and giving in to it, as well as admitting it is when you know. Like momma often says “When you know, you know.” Some things are just that simple.

How do you Know You’re in Love? Part 1/2

Falling in love is one of the best feelings you could ever have in life. People write books about it, songs too. But you’ve got to know just what it is that you’re falling into. Which brings us to one question- What is love?

First of all it’s one of the hardest questions to answer. Ask 10 different people and you’ll most likely get 10 different answers.

In the dictionary, Love is defined as an intense feeling of deep affection. But what exactly does that mean?

Love is a wonderful, beautiful, incredible feeling. However at the same time it’s maddening and detrimental. So what’s the real love?

Love is the foundation of all human emotion. Every emotion you could possibly have is linked to love in some way. Have a hater? Most likely they hate because there’s something about you that they’d love to have. Afraid of something? I’m sure you’d love to stay away from it. Mad because you would love things to be different. Sad because you loved the way things used to be. Every single emotion is tied in with love.

Love starts off with two things- Connection and Chemistry. The heart is always looking for love whether you are or not. With that said, when you meet someone and you have instant chemistry the heartstrings get pulled and the seeds of love get planted. Depending on the situation, these seeds can grow into a weed or a rainforest so its paramount that you’re mindful of your feelings and are very open with yourself about what you’re feeling.

One thing that’s almost impossible to do is to suppress love and deny the heart of its’ desire. As the foundation of all emotions, love is a dominant matter of the heart and as such is stubborn. Denying your heart its desire will only make it grow and grow until you can’t deny it anymore. So be honest with yourself about the way you’re feeling and don’t be afraid to love when given the opportunity. But second and maybe even more importantly, make sure that you’re open to the other person. Love is a tricky thing but the one thing that sucks is when you’re falling in love alone. So once again, communication is key.

One thing to remember is to be fearless as it comes to love. Never be afraid of letting out just how you feel with someone that you have a connection with. Ideally you want the love to grow at the same rate so if the feeling begins to hit you just be honest about it and upfront. You never know, you may not be alone in how you feel.