Respect: A Word Lost in the English Language

In my last post I opened up in a diatribe about ladies not being easy booty. That made me think of the origin of why one would want to do that in the first place.

The answer came rather quickly.

Both men and women have lost the meaning of the word respect. As defined in the dictionary:

Respect is a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.

We all know what respect is- we just choose not to practice it. The main reason is because we don’t respect ourselves first and foremost above other things. Some people respect money more than themselves. They’ll hold on to their last dollar but will allow someone to openly disrespect them. Why is that?

It all comes from the lack of self love. As said in an earlier post, Love is the foundation of all things. However if you can’t love yourself then how do you even know what love truly is or how it feels like? Because the last guy or girl that cheated on you said they love you? Sorry, that’s not how it works.

We all fall at some points and wonder where we went wrong and how to get to a point where we’re happy. The only way to do that is to truly get back to the basics and find the love of yourself. With so many people out there being their own biggest hater, it’s not big secret as to why people don’t respect themselves or others.

Lack of self respect is the ugliest thing a woman can have in my opinion. It doesn’t hide itself. It shows in how she dresses, how she acts, how she talks. If you have no respect for yourself then it just radiates everywhere. Same goes in reverse for the lady who respects herself. We’re so busy hating on ourself and letting disrespectful things happen to us that the word itself is in danger of being gone. Why have it if it’s not being used?

So stop hating on yourself and find some love. They say that there’s a thin line between love and hate- well find the line and jump over it like it’s only a millimeter off the ground.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

What does it mean to you?

Love and Relationships: Ladies, don’t be easy booty

Somebody has to say it so I guess it’s gotta be me.

Easy girls are like TimeShare meetings. If you haven’t been to a timeshare meeting let me explain.

Timeshare is a concept of buying points and or certain weeks out of the year to go vacationing. You can choose from a variety of places to go and vacation once you buy. In Florida, Timeshare owners often lure in tourists by offering free tickets to Disney World, other theme parks, or cash. So all you have to do is go to the meeting and afterwards you’ll get your prize.

So you may ask, what does that have to do with easy girls?

It’s actually very simple. Ninety nine times out of one hundred, guys don’t spend time with easy girls (Timeshare meeting) unless they want some booty (The Prize). It’s really the only reason. But the reason Timeshare owners run these events is because you’ll get somebody to buy eventually. The numbers work out in their favor.

A person however, is not Timeshare.

Chances are if you’re an “easy” person, you’ve found that relationships don’t last very long and it’s hard to find somebody true. The numbers don’t work in your favor.

Now some people are just sexually adventurous. If that’s your thing then that’s your thing. Just don’t think you’ll get into a committed relationship with that mindset. If you’re not looking for one then you’re not the one this article is aimed for. For everyone else though, just know that being easy booty is not the way to a man’s heart. It’s a way to get him to fall asleep fairly quickly, but not a way to get his love.

Now I know my brother is going to hate this article especially if some of his ladies heed this advice because easy women make his weekends worth while. But I digress. If you’re looking for something real, don’t be really easy.

Just think of it like this, you have $100. Would you appreciate it more if you found it on the ground or if you had to work 10 hours for it? For most of us we’ll appreciate something more when we put work to obtain it. With that being said, stop being the Benjamin that’s laying on the ground- Be the Benjamin somebody works to get.

Love and Life: What’s Meant to be Won’t Necessarily be

“What’s meant to be will be.”

We’ve all heard it at least 50 times in our lives. What it fails to address is the hard work that goes into being “meant to be.”

Too many times people take “What’s meant to be will be” and use it as a way of putting off taking action for how they feel. They think that “Oh well if it’s meant to be then it will be” but it’s just not that simple. Something could be meant to be and never happen.

Just think about it like this- It may be meant to be that you eat tonight, then you get a great plate in front of you.

You’ve still gotta eat. If you don’t eat then that doesn’t mean that it wasn’t meant to be. It just means you didn’t do your part. There’s still action that has to be taken to link “what will be” to “What ultimately is.”

What that means is be bold, take chances. You’ve only got one life to live and an expiration date that you don’t know of- so go for the juggular at all times. I’m not saying to go crazy with it, but if there’s a person that you connect with and truly fall for then just go for it. Communicate and find out if you’re both going in the same direction then just go for it.

One of the best feelings is taking a chance and it working out for the best. Especially as it comes to asking somebody out or even just getting a phone number from an attractive stranger. I think Lil Wayne said it best when he said “Nobody gives you a chance, you have to take chances.” No one is just going to walk up to you and give you a chance when it comes to how you feel. You’ve got to go out and take the chance and make something happen sometimes. Because if you like most people believe that there’s “somebody for everybody” but you also believe that “what’s meant to be will be”, then how do you explain so many people going into old age never finding “The One?” Obviously that’s just not the case.

So to prevent yourself from being a stat of a person who’s had a chance and squandered it- go after what it is you want. Sit down with the one you care about and let out your true feelings. Because what’s meant to be may not necessarily be. It’s up to you to make it happen and act on feelings and or impulse.

Because if you don’t, you’ll just have a perfectly good plate of food sitting on your kitchen table, waiting for “what’s meant to be” to happen.

Speak your Heart

“Go tell him/her how you feel. Go ahead.”

Raise your hand if you’ve heard that one before. Fact of the matter is that we all know one of the worst feelings out there is the feeling of rejection.

To put your heart out there and not have those feelings reciprocated can often be devastating. Especially if it’s someone you’re already close to like a good friend. Sharing strong feelings and being heartbroken by that person can end up being detrimental to the friendship.

But ask yourself- what’s really the best and worst case scenarios of each choice? Let’s explore.

Best case of not saying anything- You stay really good friends.

Best case of speaking your heart- They may turn out to be your soulmate.

Worst case of not saying anything- Feelings continue to grow until they eat away at you.

Worst case of speaking your heart- Might lose that friend altogether.

This is where the dilemma comes in. Best case scenario is that you find “The One” for you. But at worst you can lose that friend. The beauty of speaking your heart is that either way you get what you need. Whether that’s the devastating news that the person you are in love with just isn’t in love with you whatsoever, or finding out that the person you’re in love with loves you too. Either way the mystery is over and for the ever-so-hopeful heart’s sake, mysteries are never a good thing.

So speak your heart and see what happens. It might be bad and you may be heartbroken but at the end of the day, it’ll be out and you’ll know for sure where they stand.

And in the grand scheme of things, knowing is always better than not knowing. Even if the results are catastrophic. When it comes to the heart you have to be able to just let it loose no matter what. Because the heart is relentless and you can’t stop how it feels. Not even if you want to.

Love and Relationships: To Trust the Heart or not to Trust the Heart?

Fate rarely calls at a time of our choosing.

There’s not much more of a true statement than that. We all have our conception of what love is and the everlasting story of how it should and will happen.

The problem is that nothing goes according to plan. Fate doesn’t care what situation you’re in or where you are in life. We all want that one person to walk into our life when we’re all lonely and single but it rarely happens this way. More than likely the person who’s meant to be can sometimes walk right in when you think you’ve already found the one, showing you an even more true connection than the one you’ve already found. Happens all the time.

If that happens to you it’s important to remember that you only have one life to life and one love of your life. Sometimes the heart knows what it’s doing and who it truly connects with. Sometimes you have to be willing to give fate a shot and go after whatever it is the heart truly desires.

So when it comes to loving somebody, trust your heart always and don’t handcuff it or hold it back. After all what’s the worst that can happen if you unleash true love?

Love and Relationships: Life is not a Fairy Tale

We’ve all see the movies and read the stories before. A damsel in distress, going through almost insurmountable odds. The perfect man comes along and saves her from her peril and they fight through adversity until they finally fall deeply in love and live happily ever after.

That’s just not life.

Well not entirely. The part about insurmountable odds and being in peril and going through trials and tribulations of everyday life is true. At some point or another we’re all going to go through things that are going to challenge us and are aimed at making us better. That’s just the way it is.

The truth is this- fate doesn’t work on your time. Just think of a time when you were in a really terrible relationship and the best guy ever came along and tried to help you through the things you were upset about. Holding you when you cry, talking to you when your mind was cluttered, being there for you at every stop. Has that ever happened to you?

Has there ever been a time where you’ve met a person and you can just feel them in your heart? Where they can say something and you just know what they really mean? Have you ever been in a position when you just sense that they need you and your hearts appear to speak to one another? If so, your life may be a fairy tale, because for the most part- people don’t find that level of chemistry throughout decades and decades of life.

So if you have somebody that you can relate to on every level, DO NOT LET THEM GO, because life isn’t a fairy tale where in the end everything will be happily ever after. Very rarely in life you’ll find someone who truly speaks to your soul like they do in all the romance novels and movies. Most relationships look like train wrecks with people too naive to make a change. However if you happen to find that fairy tale type of love, by all means necessary, go after it and go after it hard because there are people out there who pray for that kind of connection and never truly find it. People who write about love and never truly have it. So finding something real in a world of cosmetic and superficial things is the ultimate blessing. Don’t disguise it.

Love and Relationships: Getting Over Insecurities

In the journey of finding “The One”, finding yourself is a big step. Knowing what your strengths and weaknesses are is essential in finding the one thats going to maximize those strengths and minimize those weaknesses.

Being comfortable with you you are is the key. Throughout the years of life and school we find out not only what we like and don’t like about ourselves, but what others like and dislike as well.

The problem is when we start focusing only on those flaws and putting ourselves down because of them.

Remember- nobody is perfect. We all have flaws and things that we don’t like about ourselves. Every single person out there. It’s the one thing that we all as people have in common. We’re all flawed. The sooner you learn that the sooner you can get past it. Embrace your flaws. But that’s easy to say now isn’t it?

Insecurities are like plants. You can cut them off at the stem but unless you unroot them they’ll continue to pop back up into the future.

So the first step is finding the root of your issue with yourself. For every issue there’s a reason it’s there. Maybe you got teased as a child about something. Maybe an ex brought up a deficiency of yours that made you insecure. Some way, it’s there for a reason and you have to dig deep to find out why that is.

The next step is to remember. No matter if you think you’re unattractive, too big, too small or what- don’t forget all of the compliments and good things that people have said about you. Chances are that you’ve heard many more compliments than insults in your life. However when it comes to our own insecurities, compliments become white noise- all blended together like a tear in the ocean. Don’t let that happen. Remember every compliment you’ve ever gotten about yourself and how much they outweigh that one or few times that someone’s insulted you about the same thing. Don’t let one insult be a worth a lifetime of compliments. You may be the best looking person in the world, yet there will be AT LEAST one person out there somewhere who doesn’t like the way you look. You will never be able to please everybody, so why even try? Learn to accept that you’re flawed. We all are.

After that do some positive reinforcement. If you have to, look in the mirror and tell yourself that you look good today. Look in the mirror and compliment yourself. We all want someone who’ll make us feel comfortable with our insecurities, but how can we expect someone else to love us as-is when we can’t do it ourselves? If you can’t love yourself for who you are, expect that no one else will and expect to be put down for every flaw you have. Because if you can’t love yourself, chances are nobody else can either. You don’t have to like every little thing about yourself, but you have to learn to do two things- change the things you cannot accept and accept the thing you cannot change. If weight is your issue, go work out and change eating habits. If you have a disorder or condition that does something to your appearance, accept it as what it is and know that whoever truly loves you will love you for that too. Somebody who will point out an unchangeable condition of yours and use it as a means of demeaning you doesn’t truly love you. So if that happens, don’t even waste your time anymore.

It’s not easy at all to accept your flaws when most likely you’ve talked down about these things or have done everything to try and hide them for years. Remember that this is a process. It’s going to take a while to look within yourself and be accepting of the things that have bothered you for so long. So embrace the challenge and embrace yourself because if you want someone to love you unconditionally for who and how you are, you must first prove that you can do it yourself. Everybody has flaws, it’s how to deal with them that makes you who you are.

Don’t forget the friendship

It happens all the time. Boy meets girl, they become friends, date, then get married. Ideal relationships in a compact nutshell.

But what gets lost in this is the friendship. It’s sad to see some people think of marriage as two people who don’t talk, don’t have sex, just have rings on their fingers and sharing the same last name.

That’s not marriage.

But in marriages like that, what happened? They lost the friendship. Plain and simple they forgot how they got to where they are. Some people are willing to do all the work to get to the top of the mountain without realizing that it’s much easier once you’re at the top to fall off.

The pinnacle of any serious relationship is marriage so keeping the friendship aspect alive and fresh is a must. There’s a reason you both got together and fell in love enough to commit your lives to each other, so go back to the basics. It should never get to the point where you have to rekindle your relationship but if it does it’s as easy as reprising the friendship. Go back to where you started. Chemistry and a connection can go dormant but never does it die.

So ask yourself, what do we like to do together? Where’s somewhere we can just getaway and talk?

Go somewhere and hangout- make new memories and cherish the friendship that you’ve built over time. Cherish and cater to the friendship because too many times we only focus on the romantic part of a relationship and forget the daily grind. The friendship should in most cases take precedence over the romantic aspect because it’s the foundation.

Having a great friendship with great communication is a recipe for a successful relationship. Unfortunately Cupid’s arrow doesn’t ensure everlasting love. Once you have it you have to work on it and the easiest way to do that is to get back to the basics. Don’t forget the friendship.

How do you Know You’re in Love? Part 2/2

Loving someone is your heart’s choice. Falling for them is yours.

It’s effortless to feel love for people because for the most part we as people are predisposed to caring for others. Acting on those feelings however is a totally different beast.

Falling in love is as much about love as it is your fearlessness and willingness to act on it. You have the person that you care for, the chemistry and the connection is there and you’re ready to act. You’re ready to say it… At least you think so.

But how would you know for sure?

The true test of a relationship is not what you absolutely love and adore about a person, but what you don’t like and how you can handle or tolerate it.

A good example is if you’re dating someone and everything is perfect up until they get upset about something. They tend to get very violent and confrontational and takes it out on you. You may love that person’s smile, the way they treat you when they’re happy, even down to the sex- but if they get angry and make your life hell, how long can you tolerate that?

So what’s needed is to find out what you don’t like about that person and think about how you can handle it. You can’t just love a person for the good and hate them for the bad. To truly be in love you have to either love or tolerate everything about a person. That’s the true test of if it’s going to work or not.

You can start off early by asking someone about what they’re self-conscious about. Chances are they’ll tone it down, but just having an idea of what they don’t like about themselves will give you a window into something you may not like. If they tell you something that they don’t like about themself that you also can’t stand, chances are that you’re just biding time. The key to true love is to love freely. Flaws and all. So if you have a Boyfriend/Girlfriend who is also ashamed of the things you’re self-conscious about- you just may be wasting time.

But let’s just say that you’ve found for the most part things that you don’t like and you’ve spent time around each other and you can tolerate it. Then by all means, take the leap and fall right into love. Ignoring things you don’t like and expecting them to change will ultimately destroy the relationship. It can be like a chip in the windshield that turns into a crack. Get the chip fixed. Communicate.

So how do you know you’re in love? You take the leap. You can love anybody, but truly acting on it and giving in to it, as well as admitting it is when you know. Like momma often says “When you know, you know.” Some things are just that simple.

Long Distance Relationships: Can they work?

I got lots of emails on Facebook about this subject so Iʻve decided to address it.

With the rise of online dating the number of long distance relationships also climb. But can they actually work? Of course they can. But for them to work thereʻs three things that youʻve just got to have:

3: A Plan- If youʻre going to date someone from a far away area code, at least have a plan set to meet that person at some point in time. If the first week of conversations go well make sure to address when a possible meet time is. If you donʻt then you can really set yourself up to be wasting your time.

2: Communication- If this is someone youʻve met online then chances are that youʻve got to build everything through phone/text/video messaging. Keep things fresh and communicate often. Unlike in a relationship where things get physical, your sense of touch for one another is completely off the table. Overcompensate with calls, texts, and video calling to bridge the gap.

1: Trust- The most important thing in a long distance relationship is trust. When meeting someone on an online dating site, itʻs probably a safe bet that you arenʻt the only person theyʻve taken an interest to on the site. You have to address the question not only of how many people theyʻre talking to, but how serious are they with other parties. Trust in them to tell the truth is paramount if youʻre going to have a chance to succeed.

Even if you have these things, a long distance relationship can be difficult to carry on. When you enter into one of these thereʻs always a great deal of caution to have because behind a computer people can be whoever they want to be. You can be the sweetest most loving person at one point then you can be totally different in person. Talking about things and getting perspectives from this person should be one of the top things on your list.

So if youʻre in one of these long distance relationships you have to come up with a logical date when you can meet. Would be ideal if every few weeks you can spend a couple of days together to help the relationship blossom like its supposed to. Without any physical contact whatsoever, itʻs going to be tough sledding to get your relationship moving in positive ways. So make a way to meet as soon as you can.

Because who wants to waste time on the phone all day if itʻs destined to go nowhere right?